Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Definitions
Rage:
getting on your plane at 8 AM to Amsterdam only to have the flight canceled due to fog in amsterdam. irony.
Regrouping:
having 9 am beer while waiting for the 10 am flight
Catching up:
double fisting by 1 pm to reach the level of those who have been in Amsterdam since 11 that morning.
Letting Loose:
some might define "letting loose" as free from restraint. that's close. however when applied to a lacrosse team going to amsterdam, new terminology is needed.
Going Shithouse:
can best be described as 15 guys plowing their way through the bars, coffee shops and strip clubs in Amsterdam. oh and if Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons were to describe Amsterdam, he would proclaim:
Greatest. City. Ever.
Shithouse is also an appropriate term because there is actual human waste in the streets. you see, because this is europe and although their trains are good, human waste sanitation has maintained many of its midevil roots. in amsterdam they have public urinals where most cities would place say oh a phone booth or a mailbox. there are these plastic booths out in the open where the Amsterdam's most wasted go to urinate. problem is, besides the fact that i'd rather lick the feet of a dead pigeon than use one of these, is that they don't even catch what they were designed to! all men know that we are prone to missing the seat from time to time even in the best of conditions; sober, at grandma's house on christmas day. now think for a second about drugs, booze and general euro-trash in general, no way is this going to work out well.
Coffee Shops:
Can't say I had any coffee. Can say I visited a few.
The funniest thing is walking down the windy cobblestone streets of amsterdam and getting smacked in the face with a cloud of smoke as some one enters or exits a coffee shop. Good town.
Bars:
Think I saw most of them. Not a big Heineken drinker however I'm pretty sure the team and I bolstered their first quarter earnings single handidly.
Canals:
Or anal with a "c" in front of it. i can hear sean connery saying "I'll take Amsterdam C Anals for $300 Alex." Canals are everywhere. there has to be a stat somewhere of how many times a night some one falls into one. i was sad i didn't witness any incidents, but you saw potential. like the burnt out guy playing the guitar who came to Amsterdam in '81 for a weekend trip with some buddies and decided to make it his home for the next 25 years.
Whores:
Not hard to find. Look for the red light. It's not complicated. I remember one particularly crowded stretch in the redlight district where the central PA contigent were marketing themselves. not a woman in the window under 200 lbs. also amusing was the fact that they were facing the oldest church in the city. but then who doesn't love a good church?
on one trip through the 'district' as the boys and i were doing a little window shopping, one of the girls opened the door and grabbed my jacket attempting to pull me in. being healthily afraid of aids and not wanting my skin to fall off i lunged in the other direction. she let go but apparently she took a swing at me with a riding crop, which caught my buddy in the face. just another example of why this is a great city. if you can't walk down the street without the possibility of some broad trying to pull you into her petri dish, you're just not in a good city.
Domination:
What the Spencer lacrosse club did in the tournament. We crushed our way through 4 games, with 4 wins and only 1 goal scored against us as we dismantled teams from Germany, the Netherlands and Ireland. Adding to the challenge was complete and utter sleep deprivation, poor (and when i say poor i'm talking third world country poor) body preparation and fun environmental elements such as snow, sleet and rain. despite all this there was something particularly satisfying about winning a tournament against other international squads. and not only winning, but winning when half my team was clearly, um, elevated? yeah, that's right. the only thing better than disliking german people is crushing them in a lacrosse game.
Pregame: this should give you an idea of what playing conditions were like.
Fan Base:
One of the Americans on our team has these two buddies that come to most of our games. Think Jay and Silent Bob but multiply the drug factor by a hundred. So naturally Amsterdam being their Mecca they joined us on the trip. The following is a recap of the conversation I overhead between the two of them after one of our games:
Stoner 1: Dude, any shrooms left?
Stoner 2: No man, i ate the whole bag watching the game.
Stoner 1: Dude, really?
Stoner 2: Yeah, it happens. I have a little spacecake left.
Stoner 1: Cool.
Respect:
Eating the steak your buddy ordered after he leaves the table for 10 mins to find some one.
Health:
I'm not gonna win any contests.
Body:
Abused like a new york city dumpster. probably one found in queens or staten island.
Equation:
1 day in Amsterdam = 2 years off your life
Tourism:
avoided every single tourist attraction (Anne Frank House, Heinken brewery...)
Return trip:
Definitley in order. if you haven't been, you should go.
Agony:
Knowing that GW won it's final regular season game in crazy fashion. Knowing that at one point in time I had tickets to that game. Knowing that if I hadn't been in Amsterdam having an insane time while simultaneously winning a lacrosse tournament I would hurling myself off the roof of my building.
Some Pics -
Beast:
the guy that was covering me one game. he can't find stern
Best team ever to play in the Netherlands:
for obvious reasons, self-incriminating photographs have not been posted. and by obvious reasons i mean i lost my camera in amsterdam. however there are some additional photos that i will be receiving over the next week from others and i will post them once they arrive. there is also a 1% chance i will get my camera back. it's about equal to the chance that i wake up fluent in dutch tomorrow.
Betty arrives tomorrow morning. giggidy.
Stern
getting on your plane at 8 AM to Amsterdam only to have the flight canceled due to fog in amsterdam. irony.
Regrouping:
having 9 am beer while waiting for the 10 am flight
Catching up:
double fisting by 1 pm to reach the level of those who have been in Amsterdam since 11 that morning.
Letting Loose:
some might define "letting loose" as free from restraint. that's close. however when applied to a lacrosse team going to amsterdam, new terminology is needed.
Going Shithouse:
can best be described as 15 guys plowing their way through the bars, coffee shops and strip clubs in Amsterdam. oh and if Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons were to describe Amsterdam, he would proclaim:
Greatest. City. Ever.
Shithouse is also an appropriate term because there is actual human waste in the streets. you see, because this is europe and although their trains are good, human waste sanitation has maintained many of its midevil roots. in amsterdam they have public urinals where most cities would place say oh a phone booth or a mailbox. there are these plastic booths out in the open where the Amsterdam's most wasted go to urinate. problem is, besides the fact that i'd rather lick the feet of a dead pigeon than use one of these, is that they don't even catch what they were designed to! all men know that we are prone to missing the seat from time to time even in the best of conditions; sober, at grandma's house on christmas day. now think for a second about drugs, booze and general euro-trash in general, no way is this going to work out well.
Coffee Shops:
Can't say I had any coffee. Can say I visited a few.
The funniest thing is walking down the windy cobblestone streets of amsterdam and getting smacked in the face with a cloud of smoke as some one enters or exits a coffee shop. Good town.
Bars:
Think I saw most of them. Not a big Heineken drinker however I'm pretty sure the team and I bolstered their first quarter earnings single handidly.
Canals:
Or anal with a "c" in front of it. i can hear sean connery saying "I'll take Amsterdam C Anals for $300 Alex." Canals are everywhere. there has to be a stat somewhere of how many times a night some one falls into one. i was sad i didn't witness any incidents, but you saw potential. like the burnt out guy playing the guitar who came to Amsterdam in '81 for a weekend trip with some buddies and decided to make it his home for the next 25 years.
Whores:
Not hard to find. Look for the red light. It's not complicated. I remember one particularly crowded stretch in the redlight district where the central PA contigent were marketing themselves. not a woman in the window under 200 lbs. also amusing was the fact that they were facing the oldest church in the city. but then who doesn't love a good church?
on one trip through the 'district' as the boys and i were doing a little window shopping, one of the girls opened the door and grabbed my jacket attempting to pull me in. being healthily afraid of aids and not wanting my skin to fall off i lunged in the other direction. she let go but apparently she took a swing at me with a riding crop, which caught my buddy in the face. just another example of why this is a great city. if you can't walk down the street without the possibility of some broad trying to pull you into her petri dish, you're just not in a good city.
Domination:
What the Spencer lacrosse club did in the tournament. We crushed our way through 4 games, with 4 wins and only 1 goal scored against us as we dismantled teams from Germany, the Netherlands and Ireland. Adding to the challenge was complete and utter sleep deprivation, poor (and when i say poor i'm talking third world country poor) body preparation and fun environmental elements such as snow, sleet and rain. despite all this there was something particularly satisfying about winning a tournament against other international squads. and not only winning, but winning when half my team was clearly, um, elevated? yeah, that's right. the only thing better than disliking german people is crushing them in a lacrosse game.
Pregame: this should give you an idea of what playing conditions were like.
Fan Base:
One of the Americans on our team has these two buddies that come to most of our games. Think Jay and Silent Bob but multiply the drug factor by a hundred. So naturally Amsterdam being their Mecca they joined us on the trip. The following is a recap of the conversation I overhead between the two of them after one of our games:
Stoner 1: Dude, any shrooms left?
Stoner 2: No man, i ate the whole bag watching the game.
Stoner 1: Dude, really?
Stoner 2: Yeah, it happens. I have a little spacecake left.
Stoner 1: Cool.
Respect:
Eating the steak your buddy ordered after he leaves the table for 10 mins to find some one.
Health:
I'm not gonna win any contests.
Body:
Abused like a new york city dumpster. probably one found in queens or staten island.
Equation:
1 day in Amsterdam = 2 years off your life
Tourism:
avoided every single tourist attraction (Anne Frank House, Heinken brewery...)
Return trip:
Definitley in order. if you haven't been, you should go.
Agony:
Knowing that GW won it's final regular season game in crazy fashion. Knowing that at one point in time I had tickets to that game. Knowing that if I hadn't been in Amsterdam having an insane time while simultaneously winning a lacrosse tournament I would hurling myself off the roof of my building.
Some Pics -
Beast:
the guy that was covering me one game. he can't find stern
Best team ever to play in the Netherlands:
for obvious reasons, self-incriminating photographs have not been posted. and by obvious reasons i mean i lost my camera in amsterdam. however there are some additional photos that i will be receiving over the next week from others and i will post them once they arrive. there is also a 1% chance i will get my camera back. it's about equal to the chance that i wake up fluent in dutch tomorrow.
Betty arrives tomorrow morning. giggidy.
Stern
