Wednesday, April 12, 2006
In England: Golf still gay
On Saturday April 8, 7 of us, 3 americans and 4 brits met up in Huntingdon, about an hour north of London, to play a little golf.
As we arrived at the club house where we learned that anyone renting clubs, in this case me, could not play on the course we had scheduled our tee times on. hmm, that's interesting, please do tell the sensible reason behind this policy? Oh, if you're renting, you must be a beginner and therefore are not worthy of the primary greens. OR MAYBE YOU'RE FROM AMERICA! hey whatdaya say! ok well i am a beginner and a po'd beginner who has every intention to destroy all greens, fairways and starter boxes.
i had to look those last 3 terms up.
after swallowing the club's policy i was brought a partial set of left handed clubs that included a 4, 7, 8 and 9 irons, a sandwedge and a putter. when asked to describe my set of clubs in the US, a certain UVA scratch golfer I know said they were the equivalent of driving a Dodge Neon. If those are Neons, I was pushing a Fiat on Saturday. Italian junk is evern worse than American.
we opted to play on a different course within the same club where rental clubs, or for hire clubs, were permitted.
it worked out well because as a deserted part of england would have it, no one else was on the course. good news for all of our police records as suddenly, drinking, littering and large amounts of profanity were suddenly allowed and encouraged.
the match, unlike anything else (masters slogan, also gay), began with a mini-unprofessional-nothing-like-the-real-thing-in-anyway-except-golf-was-being-played Ryder Cup. the Ryder Cup typrically sees the US verus the world. in this case, there were 3 americans slated against 4 brits. off to a poor start, pete, kirkman and myself found ourselves down 4 strokes after 9 holes. although kirkman was driving the ball as well as he was smashing broken bottles, pete and i couldn't get it done. after 9 we mixed up the teams and yadda yadda my team won and i did very little in support. there was a small movement for me to steal the clubs i had been given since i provided no deposit to the clubhouse. but since they were terrible and i think some one spit in my bag, we returned them. this is a gentlemen's game after all.
to our surprise, minutes later we found ourselves in one of the local pubs near the river Ooze, a name that invites public urination. or maybe it just seemed like a good idea at the time.
have you ever seen some one really piss themself? i mean really just go to town in their pants as if it made sense? the symmetry is astonishing.
it wasn't me, but i will reveal who it was for a ham sandwich.
drinking continued on the hour long train ride back into london. by the end of the ride, a friendly scrum broke out amongst the boys. apparently some one thought it was serious because when we exited the train car, the police came running asking where the altercation was . back there! we exclaimed in well timed unison. off we jetted into the gritty neighborhood of charring cross.
and i think a few more pubs got some business, more glass was broken, a big girl hit on me, glass broken, chair kicked and a foggy cab ride home.
oh so in conclusion golf is gay b/c:
the best compliements you get include "nice shot" "yeah, real nice shot" " good short game" and i get that last one daily.
the most action you get when watching the professionals is mr. united nations, some call him tiger, pumping his fist after a long putt. right.
how about the announcers whispering? whispering isn't cool unless you're breaking an entering.
i was routing for mickelson to win the masters. he's a rich fat white left handed guy with a hot wife. i love golf.
tomorrow morning i leave for ljubljana. say it fast and i promise it will induce a coma.
As we arrived at the club house where we learned that anyone renting clubs, in this case me, could not play on the course we had scheduled our tee times on. hmm, that's interesting, please do tell the sensible reason behind this policy? Oh, if you're renting, you must be a beginner and therefore are not worthy of the primary greens. OR MAYBE YOU'RE FROM AMERICA! hey whatdaya say! ok well i am a beginner and a po'd beginner who has every intention to destroy all greens, fairways and starter boxes.
i had to look those last 3 terms up.
after swallowing the club's policy i was brought a partial set of left handed clubs that included a 4, 7, 8 and 9 irons, a sandwedge and a putter. when asked to describe my set of clubs in the US, a certain UVA scratch golfer I know said they were the equivalent of driving a Dodge Neon. If those are Neons, I was pushing a Fiat on Saturday. Italian junk is evern worse than American.
we opted to play on a different course within the same club where rental clubs, or for hire clubs, were permitted.
it worked out well because as a deserted part of england would have it, no one else was on the course. good news for all of our police records as suddenly, drinking, littering and large amounts of profanity were suddenly allowed and encouraged.
the match, unlike anything else (masters slogan, also gay), began with a mini-unprofessional-nothing-like-the-real-thing-in-anyway-except-golf-was-being-played Ryder Cup. the Ryder Cup typrically sees the US verus the world. in this case, there were 3 americans slated against 4 brits. off to a poor start, pete, kirkman and myself found ourselves down 4 strokes after 9 holes. although kirkman was driving the ball as well as he was smashing broken bottles, pete and i couldn't get it done. after 9 we mixed up the teams and yadda yadda my team won and i did very little in support. there was a small movement for me to steal the clubs i had been given since i provided no deposit to the clubhouse. but since they were terrible and i think some one spit in my bag, we returned them. this is a gentlemen's game after all.
to our surprise, minutes later we found ourselves in one of the local pubs near the river Ooze, a name that invites public urination. or maybe it just seemed like a good idea at the time.
have you ever seen some one really piss themself? i mean really just go to town in their pants as if it made sense? the symmetry is astonishing.
it wasn't me, but i will reveal who it was for a ham sandwich.
drinking continued on the hour long train ride back into london. by the end of the ride, a friendly scrum broke out amongst the boys. apparently some one thought it was serious because when we exited the train car, the police came running asking where the altercation was . back there! we exclaimed in well timed unison. off we jetted into the gritty neighborhood of charring cross.
and i think a few more pubs got some business, more glass was broken, a big girl hit on me, glass broken, chair kicked and a foggy cab ride home.
oh so in conclusion golf is gay b/c:
the best compliements you get include "nice shot" "yeah, real nice shot" " good short game" and i get that last one daily.
the most action you get when watching the professionals is mr. united nations, some call him tiger, pumping his fist after a long putt. right.
how about the announcers whispering? whispering isn't cool unless you're breaking an entering.
i was routing for mickelson to win the masters. he's a rich fat white left handed guy with a hot wife. i love golf.
tomorrow morning i leave for ljubljana. say it fast and i promise it will induce a coma.
