Thursday, May 04, 2006
Slovenia
It’s amazing that after your 18th viewing of the third installment of the Lord of The Rings (Return of the King) you can still see why it won 11 precious Oscars.
Yeah I wrote that.
But oh yeah, Slo, Slo, Slo SLOVENIA!
I went there. Only 2 million people vive alli. Look to the chicken wing on the map below. mmmm, wings.
I’ve been told traveling in Europe on Easter weekend can be problematic. Well hell, not if you’re traveling to the best and commiest the former Yugoslavia has to offer. Kirkman and I arrived at Gatwick expecting to find pandemonium. Instead we waited behind no people in line at the Adria Airlines ticket counter. From there it was on to Garfunkle’s for a quick breakfast before entering into the dietery unknown.
John Chump Change Kikman paying for breakfast.
Landing in Ljubljana, pronounced Loob-e-yana, is a gem. There were no more than 2 airplanes on the tarmac, the sun was shining, alps rising in the background and everyone is issued their complimentary peace keeping SKS’s, which is the predecessor to the better known AK-47. Not sure what that was about. With a population of only 300,000 people, this deadly game of paintball won't last long.
The money is the Slovenian Tolar, where 200 Tolars = $1. Taking out 30,000 ain’t nothing when you stack paper like me.
Who doesn’t sniff new money?
The first day we were there, Friday April 14th was outstanding. Weather was great complete with wine and ugly Croatian women trying to get some. Yeah Slovenia is not Croatia – but there was some kind of Croat tourism fair outside our hotel.
Luckily the beer was cold, the city center pleasant. The city is built around this great looking glacial river that flows through it.
More city.
Day 1 was spent exploring the city in between local draft beers made by the one and only brewery in Slovenia, Union. We found a street market where everyone seemed to be gathering. I approached a fruit stand thinking that purchasing an orange might not be a bad idea, because it will probably be the last healthy item I consume until the IV at the hospital is plugged into my veins. I approached one lady selling fruit, so I grabbed a couple of oranges off her cart. Immediately the horrible sound that is spoken Slovene was being shouted at me. You are not supposed to grab want you want and pay, like how God intended. In Slovenia, you tell them how many items you want than they are supposed to pick. Complicating this transaction, as I learned later, is that to the Slovenes, I look Serbian. Serbian = opposite of good. I was told this on several occasions. Serbians are considered shady, cheeky, lower class Slavs.
This fit me nicely.
Blessed with my new found power, I stepped up my intentional bumping into people at clubs. It’s not often I can instill fear into my fellow man. Let’s say I exploited this opportunity just a tad. Like at the bars later that night, the club and then getting a 3 AM kebab. Repeat the cycle for 4 nights and you have one egomaniacal fake Serb.
Day 2 involved a trip to Lake Bled. Really really ridiculously good looking.
I biked around the lake. Bitch.
Day 3 was Easter, so naturally it was time for…GOOD MOTHER F*CKING CHOICE
Day 4 we got ourselves involved in one of those weird tour buses that takes you to 4 different places and you’re forced to hang with an international goon squad. This one actually worked out for us. And folks, let me tell you why: 4 HOUR LUNCH.
Stopping by the coastal town of Piran on the Adriatic Sea, Kirkman and I found ourselves eating an intensively good Italian lunch alongside two fat Kiwis, who naturally, were also there for the food. Bottles of wine, Slovenian beer and buttload of pasta with Lobster were downed for absolutely no reason except I didn’t give an F about seeing the town church. For my actions, God rewarded me with sunburn to the face and forearms. Thanks big guy.
Day 5 was spent biking around the massive park Tivoli and smuggling a few people.
Slovenia is a fantastic place. Ljubljana is a fun little city. This entry doesn’t come close to doing it justice. Like how the Michael Jackson movie didn’t show the aftermath of too much Jesus Juice. But if it means anything, I would absolutely return and trade some arms.
I think of all the ridiculous stuff I learned while there, being informed that Mormons and Baptists have come to spread their (edited profanity) to these peaceful (well at least for the last 15 years!) people is the most sickening and shocking. Well not really shocking. Normal.
Second to that is the fact that Ljubljana has a lacrosse team. That deserves a big WOW.
Third, to take a page out of that pu$$y of pop culture and sports, Bill Simmons aka Sports Guy (yes I read his columns) - nba.com is telling me that there are currently 5 Slovens playing professional basketball. 1 in 200,000 males will play professional hoops. The only one you might have heard of is Radoslav "Rasho" Nesterovic - you know, the oafy white center who backs up fundamentally sound but hard to watch Tim Duncon of the Spurs.
SLOVENIA…F YEAH
Now time to watch Mr. Frodo carry the ring safely to Mordor.
AND SCENE.
Yeah I wrote that.
But oh yeah, Slo, Slo, Slo SLOVENIA!
I went there. Only 2 million people vive alli. Look to the chicken wing on the map below. mmmm, wings.
I’ve been told traveling in Europe on Easter weekend can be problematic. Well hell, not if you’re traveling to the best and commiest the former Yugoslavia has to offer. Kirkman and I arrived at Gatwick expecting to find pandemonium. Instead we waited behind no people in line at the Adria Airlines ticket counter. From there it was on to Garfunkle’s for a quick breakfast before entering into the dietery unknown.
John Chump Change Kikman paying for breakfast.
Landing in Ljubljana, pronounced Loob-e-yana, is a gem. There were no more than 2 airplanes on the tarmac, the sun was shining, alps rising in the background and everyone is issued their complimentary peace keeping SKS’s, which is the predecessor to the better known AK-47. Not sure what that was about. With a population of only 300,000 people, this deadly game of paintball won't last long.
The money is the Slovenian Tolar, where 200 Tolars = $1. Taking out 30,000 ain’t nothing when you stack paper like me.
Who doesn’t sniff new money?
The first day we were there, Friday April 14th was outstanding. Weather was great complete with wine and ugly Croatian women trying to get some. Yeah Slovenia is not Croatia – but there was some kind of Croat tourism fair outside our hotel.
Luckily the beer was cold, the city center pleasant. The city is built around this great looking glacial river that flows through it.
More city.
Day 1 was spent exploring the city in between local draft beers made by the one and only brewery in Slovenia, Union. We found a street market where everyone seemed to be gathering. I approached a fruit stand thinking that purchasing an orange might not be a bad idea, because it will probably be the last healthy item I consume until the IV at the hospital is plugged into my veins. I approached one lady selling fruit, so I grabbed a couple of oranges off her cart. Immediately the horrible sound that is spoken Slovene was being shouted at me. You are not supposed to grab want you want and pay, like how God intended. In Slovenia, you tell them how many items you want than they are supposed to pick. Complicating this transaction, as I learned later, is that to the Slovenes, I look Serbian. Serbian = opposite of good. I was told this on several occasions. Serbians are considered shady, cheeky, lower class Slavs.
This fit me nicely.
Blessed with my new found power, I stepped up my intentional bumping into people at clubs. It’s not often I can instill fear into my fellow man. Let’s say I exploited this opportunity just a tad. Like at the bars later that night, the club and then getting a 3 AM kebab. Repeat the cycle for 4 nights and you have one egomaniacal fake Serb.
Day 2 involved a trip to Lake Bled. Really really ridiculously good looking.
I biked around the lake. Bitch.
Day 3 was Easter, so naturally it was time for…GOOD MOTHER F*CKING CHOICE
Day 4 we got ourselves involved in one of those weird tour buses that takes you to 4 different places and you’re forced to hang with an international goon squad. This one actually worked out for us. And folks, let me tell you why: 4 HOUR LUNCH.
Stopping by the coastal town of Piran on the Adriatic Sea, Kirkman and I found ourselves eating an intensively good Italian lunch alongside two fat Kiwis, who naturally, were also there for the food. Bottles of wine, Slovenian beer and buttload of pasta with Lobster were downed for absolutely no reason except I didn’t give an F about seeing the town church. For my actions, God rewarded me with sunburn to the face and forearms. Thanks big guy.
Day 5 was spent biking around the massive park Tivoli and smuggling a few people.
Slovenia is a fantastic place. Ljubljana is a fun little city. This entry doesn’t come close to doing it justice. Like how the Michael Jackson movie didn’t show the aftermath of too much Jesus Juice. But if it means anything, I would absolutely return and trade some arms.
I think of all the ridiculous stuff I learned while there, being informed that Mormons and Baptists have come to spread their (edited profanity) to these peaceful (well at least for the last 15 years!) people is the most sickening and shocking. Well not really shocking. Normal.
Second to that is the fact that Ljubljana has a lacrosse team. That deserves a big WOW.
Third, to take a page out of that pu$$y of pop culture and sports, Bill Simmons aka Sports Guy (yes I read his columns) - nba.com is telling me that there are currently 5 Slovens playing professional basketball. 1 in 200,000 males will play professional hoops. The only one you might have heard of is Radoslav "Rasho" Nesterovic - you know, the oafy white center who backs up fundamentally sound but hard to watch Tim Duncon of the Spurs.
SLOVENIA…F YEAH
Now time to watch Mr. Frodo carry the ring safely to Mordor.
AND SCENE.
