Stern gits r dun

As you may have noticed from the former tagline of this blog, I had tickets to the World Cup. A sporting event bigger than we Americans can imagine. A sport we Americans don't have a clue how to play. A sport my friend Peter Sayia and I have been (forced to) follow by living in England. Thank GOD we drank for 7 hours before and 5 hours after the Czech Republic kicked the shit out of the USA. Being there first hand, I witnessed the massacre. The beatdown. The thrashing was memorable. Basically some one from Eastern Europe asked for our lunch money and we gave. Then on top of that we collectively pulled our pants down as a nation and the water was cold. Embarrassing all around. POOR effort. I witnessed a timid attempt at sport.

Good work coach Arena for compiling a team of people that
A) have no testicles
B) have barely played together
C) you should be fired.
Thanks for the inspiration dbag. Pick up a copy of Fifa 2006 by EA Sports, buy a PS2 and learn about international play. Ugh. But who cares.




The real win came from the pre and post game parties. Off the hizzy fo shizzy. Every die hard soccer fan with a passport the US could conjure up seemed to be there. They knew the players, they knew who played in Europe and they knew how to drink before games. God bless.







There were some outstanding chants taking place in the streets as hundreds gathered wearing anything from Elvis costumes to the Harlem Globe Trotters (all impersonations were white). There's always the methodic, USA USA. But how long can you really chant that? I pulled off a solid 4 hours. Thanks to the boys of Southpark and creators of Team America, the masses began yelling America, Fuck Yeah. Actually a great cheer and sounds even better when old people and children are present. Problem was in the end team USA gave us little to "fuck yeah" about.
Some savvy lyricist came up with, Nobody likes us we don't care Nobody likes us we don't care Nobody likes us Nobody likes us Nobody likes us we don't care! 10 out of 10 on the truth factor.

I sang the Star Spangled Banner more times in one day than I have in the collective 50 baseball games I have attended throughout my life. Sickening. I can't stand that song now. Yeah I said it.

Win: I ate nothing but street vendor food all day, had a McDonalds burger at 3 AM because it was close the hotel and it was McDonalds - and somehow dodged food poisoning, loose stool syndrome or any other predictable discomfort that comes with the punishment I unleashed on my internal organs. I just read online that doctors have shown that if you drink 17 beers in a day you can dramatically reduce your risk of prostate cancer. Another day, another healthy prostate.

Loss: It has been reported that there were to be up to 40,000 additional prostitutes in Germany for the World Cup. Besides being massive soccer fans they were there to make some Euros. I saw none that I could identify. Huge loss. No sightings. No pics. No awkward walk by of some fat whore throwing out a BJ behind some one's VW in the parking lot. Oh well. Overall, it was pandimodium and a good ass time.
See for yourself.
















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Yes this event was 2 months ago. I've been trying to post pictures for 2 months. Thanks Blogger you nonfunctioning outlet for losers to post shit. Making me look bad. Damn.